I Don’t Believe In Sharks!!
Even if you’re not, or haven’t been playing the Shark Week Drinking Game this past week, just go ahead and chug yer drink down right now and start on another one.
We might as well go down the drinking game route. Take a drink. You might walk alone, but you’ll never drink alone.
- If I mention anything about the English Premier League ((including any of the other divisions of English football from the Championship all the way down to lowest reaches of non-league football)), the Bundesliga, La Liga, Ligue 1, Serie A, Champions League Football, NASCAR, Formula 1, or Danica Patrick, then take a drink.
- Anytime I spell any word, such as colour, using the British instead of the Americanized spelling; or if I use a phrase like bloody hell, on the piss, maths instead of math, chuffed or gutted used as an adjective and not as a verb, gaffer instead of manager or coach; or if I refer to a team as starting brightly, or winning at the death; or if I debate the proper pronunciation of Heathrow Airport ((including any discussion of whether or not Heathrow should be replaced as London’s hub airport with one of London mayor Boris Johnson’s hallucinogenic notions of building an airport on either the Isle of Dogs or somewhere else in the mouth of the Thames)); or if I pretend or attempt or attempt to pretend to speak with either a Geordie or a Mancunian accent in the course of my writing, then take TWO drinks.
- If I mention the Czech Gambrinus League, the Europa League, Scottish Football of any division, or anything to do with Serbia, chug HALF your drink.
- If I refer in any way shape or form to Clint Dempsey, Gareth Bale, Luis Suarez, or Wayne ROONEY, then CHUG YER WHOLE DRINK DOWN and start another one.
- And if I ever mention or refer to Mario Balotelli in any fashion, including but not limited to him wearing a rooster hat, or almost burning down his house by setting off fireworks in the bathroom, or attempting to break into a women’s prison; or if I mention or post a picture or a link to a picture of Mario Balotelli’s new pet pig; than CHUG yer whole drink down, open another and chug THAT one down.
Sharkweek is almost over, but THIS is a drinking game you should be right royally chuffed with by now, and well on the way to being on the piss, plus you can play each and every week if you so choose.
Speaking of sharks, my pal Vern Landmark, proud owner of THE FIREHOUSE and the TROLLWAY LIQUOR store here in Mt. Horeb, doesn’t believe in sharks. He said so Wednesday night. It’s a fair point to consider. We have no sharks out by us, neither here nor in Blanchardville, so how do we REALLY know that all this shark stuff wasn’t just made up for our entertainment like Godzilla and Freddie Krueger and The Goddamn Batman were made up for our entertainment.
Then again, if we actually saw a real live shark here in Mt. Horeb or in Blanchardville, we’d most likely have far bigger fucking problems to deal with than seeing a real live shark here in Mt. Horeb or Blanchardville.
Take a drink.
Luis Suarez is going nowhere…etc….
John Henry has made it very clear that Luis Suarez is not and will not be for sale under any circumstances. And obviously, short of Suarez murdering somebody or butchering Mario Balotelli’s pet pig and roasting it over an open fire at midfield, one wonders what circumstances there be left on Earth that could make John Henry say, “Ah fuck it….cut me a check…”
From racially abusing (allegedly) Patrice Evra to biting Chelsea’s Branislav Ivanovic, Suarez has actually made Joey Barton seem the model citizen. Through it all, Liverpool has been steadfastly and credibility-stretchingly loyal to him. And now, of-course, the appearance is that Suarez is showing the club no loyalty in return.
The end result by the time the transfer window shuts is that both Liverpool and Arsenal will look like buffoons as usual.
Take a drink.
Chelsea’s great ones, over the years, have had better hair than ManU(re)’s great ones. If Wayne Rooney wants to have perfect hair forever, then Chelsea it is then.
The third transfer offer from Chelsea has already been stitched is about to be run up the flagpole.
We know that no one will salute this one either until after Chelsea beats the fock out of ManU(re) on August 26th.
Meanwhilst, David Moyes is pursuing of all people, Luka Modric. He also insists that Rooney is not fit for competitive football….but England gaffer Roy Hodgson thinks otherwise as he’s named Rooney to the England team for their upcoming friendly with Scotland (although those tend to be not so friendly). Bloody hell indeed!!
Take a drink.
Augsburg 0 Borussia Dortmund 4
The Bundesliga officially kicked of the 2013-24 season yesterday with Bayern Munchen’s 3-1 defeat of Borussia Mochengladbach at the Allianz Arena. But today, Dortmund opened their season with a big win away at Augsburg.
Newboy Pierre-Emerich Aubameyang opened his Dortmund account with a superb hat-trick and Lewendowski put the frosting on the cake with a penalty kick at the 88th munte. Aubameyang’s opening goal was a gutsy diving header off Marcel Schmelzer’s cross on 24 minutes. Dortmund then held on to 0-1 lead for the rest of the half. Dortmund was not playing top notch football they’re capable of. Sloppy passing for the most part….and Augsburg was pressing them at every opportunity. Dortmund were lucky not to concede a goal or two, and Australian Mitchell Langerak’s play in goal ((filling in for the suspended Weidenfeller)) was key.
When Aubameyang scored his 2nd just past the hour mark off a lovely pass from Marco Rues, you could feel gaffer Juergen Klopp’s sigh of relief and hear the air slowly whiffing out of Augsburg’s tires. Lewendowski fed Aubameyang for his 3rd, and then Lewendowski smacked home the penalty won by Hofmann and that was it. A solid, if a bit sloppy, win in the books, and first place on goal differential.
Echte Liebe!!!
Go jump a shark…..
It wasn’t a lapped driver that caused Tony Stewart’s Sprint Car to go whirling like Toulouse-Lautrec falling down a flight of stairs last Monday night at the Southern Iowa Speedway in Oskaloosa IA.
Nope, it was a fackin’ SHARK!
The fackin’ SHARK rose up outta the fuckin’ track and tore the fock outta Tony’s car and tossed it down the track with it’s gaping horrid mouth dripping with blood. THAT’S what happened.
Anyway, Tony Stewart broke his leg in two places and is out of for the season. He’s had a 2nd surgery on his broken leg to insert a rod in the tibia. Max Papis will pilot the #14 sled tomorrow at Watkins Glen. As of this writing, no fill-in driver has been named.
Marcus Ambrose is on the pole tomorrow, and I fully expect him to go wire to wire.
Yup. I sure did BRAINWASH that motherfucker….
Damn! I know I promised not to talk about the NFL, but….
Anyway, the latest from the mouth of Greg Jennings now that’s he’s with the Vike-Queens is that The Green Bay Packers brainwashed him and everyone who plays there into thinking that they are the greatest football team ever. Which they are, btw….more Championship titles than any other team.
His Head Coach Leslie Frazier has admonished him to shut up about the Packers, and Aaron Rodgers and all that.
Even Brett Favre thinks he’s being a classless fuckwit. And believe me, Brett Favre knows about being classless.
Brainwashed. My word. Bloody hell.
Maybe Mr. Jennings ought to stroll over and have a peek in the Minnesota Vike-Queens trophy case.
Laughs all around.
Take a drink.
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