If I Had A Mind

If I had mind to, I’d tear that fucking statue down and send it back to France….

 

A mind, they say, is a terrible thing to waste. But sometimes, in my case anyway, I’m not so sure. A mind can be very much like time and money.

Money shines more brightly when it’s wasted. So does time. And I’m figuring that in my case, anyway, so does my mind.

And evidently I have not been wasting it enough by writing about football, NASCAR, Formula 1, Japanese anime & manga, and, of course BEER. So I thought I’d actually ought put some effort into wasting some time today and so how blindingly bright it all gets.

I’m begging the question, of course.

One thing I’m not going to do is waste an ounce of brainpower on the upcoming Inaugurination¹ of the new so-called President. More important things are happening that day. Instead, on Friday January 20th 2017, I will be watching as the Bundesliga starts up after its month-long winter break as Bayern München trots over to Freiburg for a walk in park. I wonder if my old pals Lynn Burch and Jess Ladd Coburn will be in attendance for that.²At least I think they now live in Freiberg. Could it be that the Social Media³ we’ve come to rely on is wrong?? I wonder.

Anyway….as we all know, football is not just a matter of life and death, it’s much more important than that. I can’t think of a better waste of brainpower.

Even though I’m not a West Ham United fan, for example, I will expend a few ergs contemplating whether or not Mr. Gold & Mr. Sullivan will actually spend a few quid on a striker that is actually good and not prone to injury everytime some lad’s cultured left foot loses it’s appreciation for the novels of Thomas Hardy and the symphonies of Gustav Mahler. You do know that Sullivan and Gold’s business is/was pornography, yes?? So it’s not like they don’t have a cash machine readily available since I’m quite sure there are still lads who would happily waste their money on that rather than buying a ticket to see West Ham United actually play football every week.

Anyway, all Sullivan & Gold have to show for their efforts over the past 5-7 years I do believe is Andy Carroll, and Andy, I like the guy mind you, especially when he played for Newcastle, is one de-cultured⁴ left foot away from an extended stay in a training room/sofa/pub once again. That, and now Dmitri Payet wants out….wants to jog off to Marseilles and see if he can fill Joey Barton’s missing boots. And to be honest, with the Inaugurination® pending, I wouldn’t mind jogging off there myself. But don’t ask me to fill Joey Barton’s boots. Even if I had a mind to, my feet are too wide.

And while we’re going on about Joey Barton, he is finally back where he belongs at the moment and should have stayed. He’s back at Burnley wearing their claret and blue. I don’t know what wild hare possessed him to go have a go at playing for Rangers in Scotland….where things did not go so well. But the prodigal son has returned to Burnley. His coach Sean Dyche didn’t start him, but instead brought him on as a substitute. This is something Joey Barton has lost a familiarity with since he’s been starting matches since the days of Thomas Hobbes. He actually didn’t realize he had to sit on the bench as a though he were some full-kit wanker for 73 minutes. Coach had to remind him to have his boots on!⁵ So when Coach put him in at minute 73, Barton scored the game winner on the 78th minute. Final from Turf Moor: Burnley 1-0 Southampton.

After last weekend’s Premier League action, I truly wish that I’d had a mind, for if I did, I would not have left BOTH Marcos Alonso and Danny Rose on my Fantasy Football bench. I mean, what FOCK was I not thinking??!!! 24 facking points were sitting on the bench!! I know that a mind is a terrible thing to waste, and that a mind shines more brightly when it’s wasted….but no, this was far worse than that. And nothing shone brightly. NOTHING!

If I had a mind…..

I felt and thought that when I started this little waste of time and mind that this would be my latest January bloog post ever. But after rolling through the years, I noticed that last year’s January post was the latest ever….January 27, 2016 for those keeping tabs on this sort of thing down at FAT BOY SLIM’S in Mineral Point WI. But based on the evidence of my most recent trek down there for a beer, no one I spoke to has been keeping tabs….they’ve only been running up tabs. *ba-ding!*

 

 

When Peyton Manning played PROPER football….

 

Back in the 1800’s, the various games of football began to sort themselves out, get organized, have sets of rules, leagues, teams, and so forth. Today, we have these flashes of arrogance and brilliance of America against the World and vice versa when it comes to sports. I’m all for the USA!USA!!USA!!!, but when it comes to football, when I use that term, I mean REAL Football, proper football. Not the NFL variety.⁶. So I found this photo rather amusing, since the lad 3rd from left in the back row could very easily be Peyton Manning. Now mind, I don’t give much of fuck all about Peyton Manning seeing as I’ve been a Green Bay Packers fans since the days of President Eisenhower. But Manning was one of the greatest NFL QB’s of all time so I give him that respect. So I found it rather amusing to think that he once played some PROPER football. *ba-ding!*

Speaking of proper football, America was treated to some thoroughly proper football the weekend before last as the Third Round Proper England’s FA Cup had some rarely televised teams on major TV. The real treat was the tilt on Jan 7th between Sutton United and AFC Wimbledon. Both are local clubs in suburban SW London. Wimbledon is famous for being a supporter owned club that was started May 20,2002 after the original Wimbledon club was spirited away to Milton Keynes, the new city NW of London where they became the Milton Keynes Dons. AFC Wimbledon has worked it’s way up from the 9th tier of English football and are now in League One, the 3rd tier, with the aforementioned Dons. Wimbledon is in 12th and the Dons are in lowly 19th 3 points off the relegation zone. Sutton United was founded in 1898 and is in 15th in the National League, the 5th level of the English football pyramid.

The match was played at Sutton United at Gander Green Lane in front of a sold out crowd of 5,013. It was a scoreless draw, but it was compelling match between neighbors and Sutton came so close to winning it outright at home. But the beauty of watching was the simpleness of the grounds, and the match…..it was proper football as it is played on any given Saturday for the majority of people in England. Gander Green Lane…places like that and games like that are the rule. Not the big Premier League matches at Stamford Bridge, or Anfield, or Old Trafford etc etc.

The draw meant a 3rd Round replay at Wimbledon on Jan 17th. And in front of crowd of 4768 at Kingsmeadow, Sutton United became a giant- killer once more beating Wimbledon 1-3. Sutton United moves on to the 4th Round Proper for the first time since 1989 when took down Coventry City. They’ll face Leeds United at Garden Green Lane. I’m hoping they’ll stick it to Leeds and kill another giant.

Proper football indeed!!

 

 

It’s Jürgen Klopp Man-crush Beard Time!!!

 

Actually, what my mind is on about at the moment has nothing whatsoever to do with Thomas Tuchel or Jürgen Klopp or man-crushes at least from my vantage point. What I’ll toss out in passing is that The Carl has retired from NASCAR with immediate effect.

That means no more back-flips off the driver’s-side window after a win. No more argy-bargy with Brad Kesolowski or Matt Kenseth⁷  and so on.

Carl Edwards is leaving the sport at the top of his game. He never won a Championship and if he’d stick around a few more he just might. Instead, he leaving with his health and will spend more time with his family. And I say good for him whatever the reasons.

Was he spooked by Junior’s concussion?? Perhaps….I’m sure it was at the back of his mind.

Will he ever hop in ride again? Who knows…..after all, even Jeff Gordon was press-ganged into filling in for Junior after he’s retired to the broadcast booth. We’ll wait and see.

Now I’m sure there were/are a few NASCAR fans who had a man-crush on The Carl. There’s no shame in that. Feel free to bust us a comment and fly your Carl Edwards Flag proudly.

Obviously not me, though, as I was never a big fan of The Carl.

8 years ago I wrote  a post here about how the young guns in NASCAR at time would not have the longevity of some oldest drivers in the sport at the time like Mark Martin or Ricky Rudd or Ron Hornaday Jr and so on. I did a bit of speculation on how they’d age and what they’d be doing when their lives took different turn.

For example, I wrote this about The Carl back in 2009:

 

Carl Edwards will, someday, never do a backflip ever again. He will live a quiet existence in a world of greenery and flowers. He will nurture these living things and never look back. He will never smile again, but that might be just as well.

 

So….no more backflips in NASCAR ever again. Thanks Carl. You had a great career….and now mind how ye go.

 

 

Preparing for the Super Bowl

 

Since I’ve committed myself to proper football here, I will mention narry a word about the football to be played at the Georgia Dome on Sunday or in Houston 2 weeks after that. Not a word, not even a shout of Brown Right 31 Wedge!!

So there, then. Time wasted. A mind wasted. And if it doesn’t shine more brightly now, then it never will.

Chelsea tromped the defending Premier League Champs 0-3 the past Saturday without their leading scorer Diego Costa, who was not named in the squad by Antonio Conte over a row (to put it mildly) with the coaching staff and Conte himself. Said argy bargy is over feigning a back injury because some fuckwad worthless club in China that just got promoted to the Chinese Premier League⁸ is promising Diego Costa $35 million/year to come and play for them. So if Costa wants to pretty much end his promising career just to trouser some stupid money from a suckass Chinese squad in a league and country with more money than sense, I guess that’s his lookout. But last Saturday’s tilt with Leicester City pretty much told Costa that we can live without you. Also, you just don’t fuck with Antonio Conte.

This makes me wonder though. Emmanuel Adebayor has been jobless wince Crystal Palace cut him loose in July. He’s playing for his native Togo in the Africa Cup of Nations and probably wouldn’t mind being offered a last payday to capstone his career. Why not tap him up instead of Costa?

Hell…they can come and tap ME up as well. I’ve retired from international football, and I haven’t had a club since 1977, and if I fuck up some tactic and the coach yells at me, “Am I speaking CHINESE??!!” I would say, “Yes you ARE, Boss!!”

Actually though, the only one who’s going to tap ME up is my local bartender. Which will be happening fairly soon I do believe.

 

 

 

 

 

1. Yes, chumplins! I did spell that correctly!
2. No they wont be, come to think of it.
3. The one that is NOT Twitter.
4. See what I did there, Clive?
5. Yes. This is the TRUTH. Barton was actually a bit beside himself since he really didn’t know what to do.
6. Also, I’ve never referred to rugby as football, though it was also called football as well during its origin days.
7. Back when he and Matt were teammates at Roush/Fenway he was going to slug Matt over some mis-persevance.
8. Mighty Football Powerhouse that it is not.