Britain’s Got Talent

England 2     Switzerland 2

Maybe someday, the British…well…the English more specifically, will speak of and revere The Young Jack Wilshire someday in the same way they revere Bobby Charlton. But given the results of this Sunday’s Euro 2012 qualifier with Switzerland, that day might be a long-time coming. Through no fault of Young Jack Wilshire, mind you. But hey, Britain’s Got Talent, so what can you say. Fabio Capello assembled a stunning array of talent to play football for England. He asserted ahead of the match that the team is FINALLY playing his way and that his masterplan is working, at last!

So the lads march on to the pitch and the game proceeds apace. And then at the 32 minute mark all hell breaks loose when Frank Lampard’s talent evades him momentarily and he commits a dumb and unnecessary penalty just outside the area. Tranquillo Barnetta (yes…THAT Tranquillo Barnetta) steps up for the free kick and he bends it like Beckham right into the net past a stunned and pissed Joe Hart, stunned and pissed because his TALENTED mates are defending a simple set-piece like piss. And before Fabio Capello can pick his jaw of dismay up off the ground, Scott Parker, EPL’s Footballer Of The Year, not to be outdone by Lampard, shows HIS talent for stupid penalties by committing one in almost the same spot Lampard did minutes prior.

So…at the 35 minute mark, Tranquillo Barnetta steps up to the free kick, and that piddler James Milner and the redoubtable Theo Walcott ((whom Hart had perfectly positioned to form the wall)), were happy to oblige. The kick was struck, the wall of Walcott and Milner parted to let Barnetta’s kick through, and this time Hart had to lunge and slide to the low near post to try and block the kick to no avail. Well, that made it 0-2 Switzerland. And just like that, England was off the rails and the game was on.

Now I WILL grant Frank Lampard this. At least he atoned for his momentary lack of talent. Johan Djourou was shown yellow for dragging  down The Young Jack Wilshire in the area at 36 minute mark. Lampard stepped up and took the penalty, made it. And what looked frightening moments early seemed brighter. After the break, Ashley Young came on for Theo Walcott, and within minutes he’d equalized with a nice goal set up by Leighton Baines at the 51 minute mark. But England, for all their talent could go no further. Both teams left Wembley with 2 points less than what they’d hoped for in Switzerland’s case, and what they expected in England’s case. In his post-matcher presser, Fabio Capello used fatigue as an excuse. But really, that excuse is just a tired cliche. The simple fact of the matter is that for all the talent Fabio has assembled, they can’t play as a team…and he can’t seem to get them to. Maybe they need a little less talent and little more spirit and determination. Plus, a different coach. But then again, I’ve been saying that all along.

It was, then, a curious bit of irony that the broadcast of the match from Wembley was followed immediately by the Finals of the 2010-2011 season of Britain’s Got Talent. I could not make this up if I wanted to. At first, I thought I was watching a commercial for the show. But nope, I was watching the real deal. There was Ant & Dec, the comedy duo who fill the same role on the show that Ryan Seacrest does on American Idol. There was the panel of judges, lead of by the always charming Simon Cowell, and to his right were Amanda Holden, Michael McIntyre, and David Hasselhoff (yes, THAT David Hasselhoff). The winner and the runner up of each of the 5 semi-finals were there to showcase their talent for one last time and leading off was the winner of the third semi-final, Les Gibson.

Les Gibson has a talent for celebrity impersonations. So for his 3 minute routine for the Finals he did a send of the Gordon Ramsey’s MASTER CHEFS show…starting with a spot-on impersonation of Gordon Ramsey and following with impersonations of each of the 4 judges as contestants on Master Chef. Not too bad, and after the judges gave him fairly lukewarm kudo’s, common sense took hold of me and I switched it off fixed myself some lunch. But I got to thinking about it.

If this Les Gibson is even reasonably talent at impersonations, they maybe Fabio Capello should hire him.  The England team needs to do better job of impersonating talent. Surely some of Gibson’s talent for impersonating talent would rub off on the English lads who shambled around the pitch at Wembley on Saturday. Even though Les did not win the Final, it might make a difference next time. It just might.

Then again, we can always blame it on Wayne Rooney. And speaking of which, where the heck was Wazza when all this Talent was out there on display?

 

 

 

The NEW Wayne Rooney!!

While ungodly talent of England’s national team took there talents to Wembley for the 2-2 draw with Switzerland, Wayne Rooney was comfortable ensconced in a secret regional medical clinic on London’s Harley Street getting a hair transplant. Yes, you read that right. a hair transplant. No more prematurely balding Wazza. He’ll come back to club and country a brand new man!

I’m not sure if they got the hair from his chest, where he’d shaved the #19 as a homage to Elliot Sadler Manchester United’s 19th title. But I’m a little dismayed and disappointed that he gets on in years, future generations of ManU fans won’t get to see Rooney flying around the pitch sporting the Bobby Charlton look, comb-over flapping in the breeze.

 

 

 

Yes. Britain’s Got Talent. They have talent up the ass. So much talent that they don’t know what to do with it. They bring them in from all these different teams and I really get the impression that they don’t like playing with each other very much. I get the sense that they are all competing with each other to prove who is the best and most talented instead of playing together as a team. The England team has too much expectation placed upon them. Not greatness should NOT be expected, but if the FA keeps doing the same things over and over again and keeps getting the same tired results. Maybe it’s time to lower the expectations and try a different approach.

Gather good players…not necessarily great players. Get guys like Grant Holt and Scott Sinclair for example…guys who might actually appreciate the opportunity to play as a team for their country. And get a coach who has the sense and ability to build a team that will play as a team….not the current regime of SUPERSTAR TALENTS who play, for the most part, with arrogant indifference and tedious self-importance.

Well…that’s about it for me. I’m right out of talent, words, and beer. Cue the patriotic music.